What Am I Worth?
What Am I Worth?
Written by: FB Smit
Since the earliest times, humans have questioned their existence in the world. Questions about the purpose and significance of life include:
- Who is God to Me?
- How do I Hear God?
- Who Am I?
- What Am I Worth?
- How Do I Accept Who I Am?
- Does God Want Me to Be Happy?
- Is it All Up to Me?
- Why Do I Suffer?
Through inner healing prayer, we ask God, ”What am I worth?”
Taken by Surprise - Georgia’s Story
While our minds may know our worth is in God alone, many of us don’t believe this in our hearts. Such was the case with Georgia, who came for inner healing after a devastating event.
Georgia and her boyfriend had been dating for almost three years and were in love. In alignment with Georgia’s hope, this relationship seemed headed toward marriage. This thought gave Georgia hope for a bright future.
Georgia shared an office space with her boyfriend, and, on occasion, they worked together on projects. One day, she came across something that dimmed her hope for marriage. While looking for something on her boyfriend's computer, she discovered pornography. Georgia was devastated by this experience, which crushed her self-worth, and she decided to seek out assistance for inner healing.
Georgia’s Inner Healing Prayer Experience
After attending to her story, the prayer facilitator gently asked Georgia to tap into her memory and feelings. Though painful, Georgia was willing to recall the traumatic incident and explore the basis for her feelings.
Reliving the moments of seeing the disturbing images on her boyfriend’s computer, Georgia’s insecure, sick-to-her-stomach, and panicky feelings resurfaced. The prayer guide asked her where Jesus was when she made this discovery.
Georgia noted that Jesus was standing in the doorway.
“How does Jesus feel about this?” the prayer guide asked.
Georgia replied, “He loves both of us very much. He is looking out for us, and He wants us both.”
“How does He feel about you?”
“He feels sad, and it breaks his heart that I don’t love myself. He wants me to know that I am good and that He made me perfect.”
Slapping her palms on the armrests of the leather chair, Georgia added, “I don’t believe it.”
Georgia sensed His reply, “I know you don’t believe it, but it doesn’t make it untrue.”
She inhaled deeply and said nothing. Exhaling through clenched teeth, she said to the prayer facilitator, “I can’t grasp that I am good and He made me perfect.” She traced her fingers along the seam of the chair and picked at the fabric. She looked at the ceiling and tossed her arm in a ‘so what’ or ‘who cares’ gesture.
She rubbed her temples, placed her hand on her forehead, and said, “There’s a gap between what I’m experiencing and what He's telling me.”
“What would you like to do about this gap?” the facilitator asked.
Covering her eyes with her hands, Georgia whispered, “Jesus, can you help me see with Your eyes? I want to, have to, see differently.”
At that moment, she saw herself in what looked like a glorified body, how she imagined she would look if she were in heaven. This, she thought, this is how Jesus must envision me. Her shoulders loosened.
“How does it make you feel?” the prayer facilitator asked.
“It feels good, but it doesn’t feel…real? It feels like I will never be good enough.” She intoned slowly with an inflection.
The facilitator sensed Georgia had bought into the enemy’s lie and had taken the lie one step further. Georgia made a vow.
When we vow to “always” do something, to “never” do something, or “have to” do something, we step away from the strength of the Lord and start to rely on our strength instead.
The prayer facilitator suggested that Georgia renounce the lie that she is never good enough, and she modeled a prayer of renouncement:
In the name of Jesus Christ, who came in the flesh, I take this sword of the Spirit and sever the vow that I am never good enough, declaring it null and void in my system. I ask the Lord to tell me the truth.
Georgia repeated the prayer, first in a muffled, inaudible tone and then again in a loud, convincing tone.
A new hope emerged within Georgia, a hope she described as a rainbow behind a cloud, opaque in places yet transparent in others. It felt like an opening to new possibilities: the rainbow shone through spots where the cloud was thinner, and the wind blew away the hazy parts like a curtain.
She sensed this new hope as a renewal, ”Someday, I’ll be able to see myself as He sees me.”
The prayer facilitator asked, “Where is Jesus in your imagination?”
Georgia responded, “He’s still standing at the doorway.”
Encouraging Georgia to engage with Jesus, the prayer facilitator asked, “Would you like Him to come closer, or would you like to go to Him?”
“I want to go give Him a hug.” In her imagination, Georgia hugged Him like a shy child would embrace a relative she was meeting for the first time. Then, she placed her hands over her eyes and sobbed. Jesus held her. He didn’t say anything, he didn’t do anything, he held her. She cried and let herself be held.
When asked if, in her imagination, Georgia wanted to invite her boyfriend to join them, Georgia agreed. She then invited him to a group hug with Jesus.
The facilitator commented, “I imagine your boyfriend must have felt shame when you discovered his secret. Can you forgive him?” Georgia thought momentarily, then slightly nodded in affirmation as she generously forgave him.
Georgia could then clearly describe her hurt, ”I’ll never be good enough compared to all those images he’s seen. I am so sad.”
Resolution
Renouncing the vow that ”I’ll never be good enough” and the lie that ”I am how I look” allows for a new security and sure footing of truth to begin to take hold.
There’s an old movie, Shallow Hal, about a man who could see others in their inner beauty (their hearts and souls). He saw his girlfriend, Rosemary, as the most beautiful woman in the world. The most humorous part of the movie is the contrast between Hal’s responses to Rosemary and the reactions of his friends to her.
Georgia saw herself through the same lens Hal’s friends viewed Rosemary, in the realm of appearances only. Sometimes, through a lens like Hal’s—a view of your genuine self—you can see yourself differently—so much more so if that someone were Jesus.
What if our insides are displayed on the outside? What would the world see?
The security and unconditional love we long for, the acceptance we crave, what we often seek in vices and empty promises, is found in Jesus. During healing prayer, Georgia saw herself through Jesus' eyes, hoping she would someday see herself in the same way.
The rock of truth is the solid belief and understanding that our worth is seen through His sight, vision, heart, and in Him. Ultimately, that’s where everyone finds their worth.
God looked at everything He had made and found it very good. Genesis 1:31
