Where is God in my Suffering?
By: FB Smit
Since the earliest times, humans have questioned their existence in the world. Questions about the purpose and significance of life include:
- Who is God to Me?
- How do I Hear God?
- Who Am I?
- What Am I Worth?
- How Do I Accept Who I Am?
- Does God Want Me to Be Happy?
- Is it All Up to Me?
- Why Do I Suffer?
Perhaps you have asked these questions of yourself, of others, and even of God. Clarity and answers may surface if we grapple with our existence (existential questions) by asking God. Inner healing is a key way to open these existential questions to God.
Inner healing is a method of prayer and teaching that seeks to restore the broken places in us through reconciliation with God, others, and self.
When Melissa had a healing session with a 25-year-old named Ann (name changed), Ann’s healing shifted her outlook and attitude toward her illness and shed light on her questions of Why Do I Suffer? Where is God in my Suffering?
Her story is a true inner healing outcome.
Ann has a chronic and undiagnosed autoimmune disease. When Melissa met her, Ann was practically bedridden with exhaustion, fever, and extreme joint pain. Ann felt as though she were slowly dying.
Ann struggled emotionally and spiritually to find meaning in the circumstances of her mysterious disease and her pain. She questioned, Why can't doctors diagnose me? Why isn't God healing me?
Melissa discovered that Ann, despite her struggles, was a faith-filled Catholic who had surrendered her life to God. Melissa recalled later the extent of Ann's submission to God.
When difficulties in our lives arise, such as sickness, existential questions naturally arise, and we search for meaning. Often, the person who requests inner healing prayer may discover answers and come to terms with a big question in life.
When Melissa and Ann entered into prayer, Melissa mentally saw Ann lying on a hospital bed. Melissa brought Ann to the foot of the cross by pushing her bed up against the crucifix hanging on the wall and asked Jesus to pour His Precious Blood over her.
A method of inner healing prayer is to appeal to God with and on behalf of the person seeking prayer. The prayer facilitator and the person seeking prayer discover together what God is showing them through images, thoughts, and words.
Immediately, Ann verbalized feeling more at peace.
In her mind, Melissa could see someone by the cross that looked like a doctor (with glasses in a white coat). She knew this man was humble and very close to God. Melissa sensed that God would send Ann a new doctor who could finally diagnose her.
With this understanding, Ann left the prayer session filled with peace and renewed hope for a diagnosis.
One litmus test of an inner healing outcome is a sense of peace.
The next day, Melissa received a text from Ann’s mother: (paraphrased)
“Ann is miraculously out of bed with no compression socks or fever. Still has lower back pain and mild fatigue.
A friend of mine is [praying] for the intercession of Father Caserta who is known for all the healing he did in people’s lives before he died. I have been fasting and praying VERY intentionally for Ann and have asked everyone in every meeting to pray for her.”
Ann’s mom shared Melissa’s healing session prayers and a picture of Fr. Caserta with her husband who responded,
“Do you think this is the gray-haired man with the white coat that Melissa had mentioned (who is very humble and walks closely with God)?”
Melissa had never seen Fr. Caserta’s picture or knew of him. When Melissa saw the picture of Fr. Caserta, she realized this was the man she had seen while praying with Ann.
With this discovery, Ann’s mom nearly fell over, and Ann began to cry.
Whereas the doctor’s efforts had failed, the family was convinced that Ann was healing through the prayers of Fr. Caserta.
Melissa continued inner healing prayer sessions with Ann. For a year and a half, Ann did all the things necessary for healing -- Masses, Confession, prayers, doctors, medicine -- yet, even with a diagnosis, she improved only slightly.
Melissa asked Ann what she thought about her big question, “Why hasn’t God healed me?” Ann was very serene in her response:
“I asked God to be part of the 23 Club. He has answered my prayer, and I offer all of my suffering. God loves me and is closer to me than in my wildest dreams. I have good and bad days, but I accept His will for me.”
The 23 Club is known for Saints who died by age 23.
In many cases, inner healing comes immediately; sometimes, it comes slowly. Each case is different. In Ann’s case, her inner healing was her ability to accept her suffering. Her acceptance, in turn, transformed her condition into redemptive suffering.
Christ has given a new meaning to suffering by his passion and death on the cross: it can henceforth configure us to him and unite us with his redemptive Passion. (Catechism of the Catholic Church 1505)
Through inner healing, God answered Ann’s question, and she accepted His answer. She is living His response well. It’s a grace and a miracle.
